Sunday, 01 March 2009

• A response to the Pro-lifer who has to get an abortion

  I realize that you don't have any idea who I am and you are probably wondering why I am dedicating an entire blog in response to your post.

  After seeing the hundreds of comments you were getting on your post, mine would just be one more in the mass of advice from random nameless people. And while I realize that by making a public response, I am opening myself up to criticism, I really don't mind.

  Allow me to introduce myself...my name is Blair and I am a Crisis Pregnancy Counselor.

  I don't know you personally but in a way, I feel like I know you all too well.

  You are one of the multitude of women who walks through my office door looking for anyone who can give you the answer you are looking for. Someone who will listen to your fears and help you make a decision you hoped you would never have to make.

  So if you don't mind, I would like to do just that. Offer you all of your options so that you can make a truly informed "choice". Let me be clear. The choice is yours and yours alone. Regardless of what advice I may offer, you will be the one who has to live with whichever decision you make.

  If you don't mind me asking right off the bat....why is it that you consider yourself pro-life? I do not mean that in any snarky sense, but as an honest question. Allow me to elaborate a bit further....Are you pro-life because you believe that life begins at conception? Because you believe that it is in fact a baby that you are carrying within your womb?

  Because if so, might I be so bold as to ask some challenging questions?

  Let's say that you do in believe you are carrying a baby right now. Regardless of your financial situation and otherwise, you are carrying a baby. This baby will be born. This baby will become a toddler. This toddler will become a pre-schooler, a teen, an adult....and so on. Okay so now let's bring in your financial situation. Would you ever make a post that said "I can't afford my toddler so I will have to kill him/her?"

  Never!

  Why not?

  Because in society's eyes, it is abhorrent to even consider murdering a living human being, much less, an innocent child!!

  So my question to you, a  self-confessed pro-lifer is this.....so what's the difference in killing the baby that lives within you now over financial reasons?

  You say that you could never give your baby up for adoption. It would be too hard to carry him/her full term and then hand the baby over.

  But again, you say you are indeed pro-life and assumedly believe that you are carrying a baby. So does that mean that you would rather kill the child within you instead of providing a loving family who could give your child a life better than you ever could have imagined?

  Okay, I know all the pro-choicers are chomping at the bits right now and absolutely ticked that I would dare try to "emotionally manipulate" you by trying to imply that a precious, tiny, defenseless, human PERSON is nuzzled safely within you as I type this. So let's get to the nitty-gritty of the hard decisions you face. Because let's face it,  no matter what decision you make from this point on....there WILL be consequences. And regardless of what pro-choicers think, I don't just care about the baby. I care about you and I want to help give you all of your options.

  1.) Abort- while this might seem like the most convenient for your situation, do not assume their will be no emotional side-effects to your decision. Trust me, Post-Abortion Syndrome does exist and we have countless numbers of women who come to our center to go through our post-abortive counseling class. Whether you choose to believe me or not, the moment you became pregnant you became a mom and the father became a dad. An abortion might fix the temporal problems you may be facing but it will not fix the emotional aspect. Eventually your due date will come around....your child's birthday. And it will come every year until the day you die. Every major holiday, every pregnant woman, every young child who would have been your child's age....all of these will serve as reminders. Can you honestly convince yourself that you  will never come to regret the decision to abort in your future? Also please consider that an abortion is a surgical procedure. You would never have your gall bladder out without first meeting a qualified doctor and hearing the risks and benefits of the procedure. If only abortion clinics shared the info with you before they rush you back to do the abortion. Pro-choicers will tell you there are no risks or that being pregnant is more dangerous but that is a flat out lie. There are risks and they are worth researching. Pregnancy is a natural process and abortion is not. Those are the facts. Be informed before you make a decision. If this is the path you choose, please know that I will do my best to help if you do suffer emotionally or otherwise.

  2.) Parenting your baby is another choice. This is joyous because you obviously get to experience being pregnant, baby's first kicks, and of course, seeing your baby for the first time. This too has a tough side. Your life gets put on hold while you take care of your baby. You no longer function as a single person. You have another person depending on you. Being a parent is a ball of emotions. It is stressful at times, but also so very rewarding. Please know if you choose to parent (even if you end up being a single mom), there ARE programs out there to help you and your baby. There are state and federally funded programs that can provide pretty much whatever you need. Medicaid can help cover doctor visits and labor costs and WIC can help with food, nutritional counseling, and access to health services for low income women and children. There are also county health clinics that provide numerous services before and after your baby is born. If you chose to parent, the road will be hard. Money will be tight and your plans will either have to be changed or be put off for another time. But do not assume that you cannot do this. You can. Women have done it before you and many of them might be reading this and can offer you invaluable advice! You can still reach your goals, it will just be a harder road....but not impossible.

  3.) Adoption. The final option gets a bad rap. Many people have visions of a stranger walking into the delivery room, grabbing the baby out of your arms, and whisking it away forever. Will the baby end up in a bad family? Will the baby wonder about you? So much confusion surrounding adoption.....or so it seems. Allow me to clarify a few things. There are many options when it comes to adoption in 2009. You, the birth mother, basically get to decide how much interaction you want with your child.

  Some things worth mentioning. There is a common misconception that adoptive family ends up being abusive, etc. Please know that adoptive parents do not go about this lightly. Adoption is expensive and time consuming. Adoptive couples have to go through rigorous counseling and interrogation from the adoption agency. They have extensive background checks and meet with psychologists to determine if they are mentally stable for the process of adoption and parenting. It is no easy task and not for the faint of heart. These couples are very loving and jump through more hoops to be parents then you could ever imagine. They typically pay for your medical expenses and anything agreed upon between you and them concerning the adoption.

  By using an adoption agency, you also get the added benefit of many of these services:

• A community service caseworker who offers support through the adoption process while living at home
• Private medical care
• Individual, peer, and group counseling
• Thorough legal services by staff attorneys experienced in adoption law
• Educational opportunities through our school program and Career Development Program
• Post adoption services

  There are also adoption agencies that will allow you to move in for your pregnancy. They have hotel-style rooms for you to stay in, a cook to provide your meals, and they pay for and take care of all of your transportation for medical visits, hospital stays.

  By the time the adoption rolls around, both you and the adoptive family have been fully counseled.

  Regardless of what type of adoption you choose, all of the above services are available to you.

  There are 3 types of adoption:

  closed adoption- If you decided it would be too painful to keep in touch with your baby, this would be an option for you. You would deal with a representative from an adoption agency who would handle your case and offer you any counseling that you might need during the process.

  semi-open adoption- fall in between open and closed adoptions. The adoptive family and birth parents usually will know basic information about each other, such as their first names and state of residence. Complete contact information, such as phone numbers and addresses, are not shared. While adoptive families and birth parents may speak to one another prior to the birth of the child, some confidentiality is maintained. Once the child has been placed with the adoptive family, the adoptive parents may still stay in contact with you via letters and pictures, however this correspondence is handled by a third party, such as the adoption agency.

  open adoption- working through an adoption agency, you would be able to view the profiles of interested families for your baby. You would choose the parameters of the family you want to adopt (ie. a race you prefer, age of the couple, other children, etc.) and get to interview them personally. You and the family would decide how much communication you would like. You can decide if you want them at the birth, how often you would like updates on the child, pictures, etc. Then a few times a year you can meet up and spend time with the family. Once the child turns 18, he/she would have all of your contact info and you would be free to develop a relationship as you so choose.

  Will it be painful to consider adoption and even more painful to follow through? Yes.

  Will there be times of doubt after you have your baby? Yes.

  Will you be putting your babies best interest at heart by providing loving parents for your child? Absolutely.

  None of your choices are cut and dry. They all have their pros and cons. 2 choices lead to life for your baby. 1 leads to death.

  Nobody said your decision would be easy.

  All I can say is, please don't make a rash decision. You have time to think through each option.

  I suggest looking up your nearest crisis pregnancy center and going in for a visit. Make sure you have a viable uterine pregnancy and get help figuring out your actual due date. Many of them will provide a sonogram to meet the 2 criteria I just discussed. You will also more than likely see the beating heart of your baby. Many pro-choicers will tell you that is used for emotional manipulation as well. All I can say is, what is manipulating about it? The fact that you do in fact have a baby within you, who has his/her own heartbeat? His/her own set of fingerprints? His/her own unique genetic make-up? Those are facts.

  I beg of you to consider all of your options.

  If you so choose, I am willing to give you my cell phone number or e-mail. I will answer any question you have any time of the day. All you have to do is contact me on my xanga and let me know.

  I am sorry you are dealing with this crisis, but there are people out there who can help you make a good informed decision.

  Abortion is not your only choice.

  Thank you for your time,

  Blair from Texas